There is a significant difference between exuding a healthy amount of self-confidence and being a narcissist. The difference lies in perception. Self-confidence is great and can be useful in everyday situations, allowing you to tackle many obstacles. Narcissism, by definition is “extreme selfishness, with a grandiose view of one’s own talents and a craving for admiration, as characterizing a personality type.”
The perception for a self-confident person is similar to “I am as valuable as every other human and I have certain skills and talents.” A narcissists’ perception of themselves is similar to “I am the most valuable human and I will do anything to achieve my goals. I am the best at everything and deserve the best treatment.” Having a narcissists’ ideology can hurt other aspects of your life such as relationships, be they romantic, familial, or friendships. They can also hurt you in your career i.e. being arrogant, overestimating your skills and thus failing to deliver. To achieve the best you can, self-confidence and empathy are what you need.
Here are some ways in which to tackle this narcissistic thinking:
1) Develop Empathy
Dedicate some time with the people you feel closest too and try and listen to them as much as possible. Listen to them, even if it’s just about their day only. If you are at work and find yourself using someone for your gain, stop and think as to whether you would feel good if you were treated like this, it may be an eye-opener.
2) Learn to laugh at yourself
Don’t be afraid to get an answer wrong, or to mess something up. Instead of feeling victimised and attacked, try and look at the situation as a learning opportunity. Take the criticism on board to better yourself. Learn that you are not perfect and do not have to be
3) Be honest with yourself
If you find that you overestimate your talents/skills – more often than not performing worse than you think you should – then you need to help yourself understand yourself. Maybe set some time limits or small goals for a day’s work or get more frequent feedback from teachers or bosses rather than thinking it is perfect the way you have done it, because at the end of it all, you want to do well, and who better to help than the person who set the work.
4) Bring yourself back to reality
One of the common traits amongst narcissists is their preoccupation with what they will/could be and what would come with the success they expect to obtain any time now. By all means have ambitions and goals, but you remember it needs to be worked towards with what you are presently doing in life. Believe me, I think we all at some point have daydreamed a bit too much and wished that that would be enough to get to the top, but use the ambitions as motivation, not as an activity in themselves.
5) It’s nice to be nice
Narcissists are ultimately arrogant and entitled and so their interactions with people can end up with them exhibiting nasty or manipulative behaviour, whether it is obvious or not. One thing I have learnt is that you are not owed anything from anyone else other than to be treated with mutual respect as human beings. Ask yourself: if someone treated like you treat others and demanded the things you do, would you give it to them? If the answer is no, you need to reflect on your behaviour and make it sustainable.
6) It’s not all about you
Another common trait is that narcissists require excessive amounts of admiration. This can be very harmful with any of your relationships because it will cause them to be one-sided. The focus, in general, needs to be as close to 50/50 as possible, depending on the situation. It will eventually affect all relationships, there is no exception to this rule. Understand the worth and importance of the people close to you and learn to let the attention be on someone else sometimes. You would not have them around you if you did not value them.
7) Let it (e)go
Speaking from personal experiences, I recommend that narcissists work on letting go of your ego. Really reflect on the ego as a concept, not just in yourself, thus allowing you to realise that your ego is one of the main, if not the fundamental problem-causing concept from both a personal to macrocosmic level. Letting go of your ego will allow you to be happier and not have to live up to these expectations you have drawn out for yourself, your anger will dissipate.
8) Cut out the envy
A piece of advice for this step is something that may appeal to narcissists; focus on yourself. However not in the way you may think. Envy/jealousy is what causes your anger and frustration, and blaming behaviour towards others and it needs to end for both you and others. Focus on yourself – your good qualities, strengths, etc. and your weaknesses. Instead of being envious of that person, see if they are willing to help you in strengthening your weaknesses. Learn from them, don’t hate them.
9) Be flexible
No, I do not mean to be physically flexible is the solution. What I mean is to work on your rigidity. Being flexible in life opens you up to different opportunities, and you never know, these new opportunities may result in a life far better than the one you have aggressively tried to achieve before.
10) Think about it
Narcissists may see themselves being impulsive a lot of the time and their decisions may result in not-so-favourable consequences. Impulsivity is not a bad thing, it can lead to fun outcomes. What I am referring to is impulsivity that could have dire consequences in any field and may end up hurting others. Remember it is not a personal choice if it involves hurting other people and it will not hurt you to sleep on a few of your decisions. Better to be safe than sorry.
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